


Hide Your Scars

by charcharizard5



Series: Leaving Scars [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: A lot of dialogue for someone who doesn't know how dialogue works, Alternate Universe - Canon Era, Blood and Injury, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Arthur, Light Angst, M/M, Magic Revealed, No One Dies Promise, Scars, So many plot holes call it swiss cheese, no beta we die like men, the lightest angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcharizard5/pseuds/charcharizard5
Summary: Merlin gets scars, he hides them with a glamour. This is how everyone finds out.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Leaving Scars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863775
Comments: 60
Kudos: 951





	Hide Your Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic, please be gentle.
> 
> CW:blood, open wounds

When Merlin first arrived in Camelot he never expected his destiny would leave him with so many scars. Sure being the one to protect the only person who threw himself into every sign of danger possible should warrant some type of caution, but it seems injuries are sure to follow wherever Arthur goes. 

Merlin never really hid the marks at first. Many of them were superficial, a small one on his arm or leg, nothing that really needed to be kept a secret or anything he couldn’t explain away by being the clumsy person that everyone knew him to be. Plus, most of his clothes covered them up anyway. Though as time passed, more and more people were gunning for Arthur, and by default Merlin got the brunt of it. Larger wounds were harder to heal, and took up a significant amount of energy. Magical warlock or not the human body is a very complicated thing. Merlin figured that people would start asking a lot more questions if they saw him getting more scars than they saw him trip and fall.

After a rough evening, Merlin found himself sitting in front of Gaius’s fireplace getting cleaned up. This night almost left him for dead if it wasn't for Morgana and Gwen who found him half passed out and bleeding in the halls on his way to Gaius. Morgana lent some of her magic in healing the large gash on the side of his body and Gwen helped Gaius clean the wounds. They were the only people besides Gaius and Lancelot who knew about his magic. 

“You have to be more careful my boy,” Gaius instructed, “people will start to wonder where you are getting all of these marks from if they are in such obvious places.” 

Merlin winced as Gaius cleaned out the wound on his face. As all powerful as he was, his skill with healing magic was finicky at best. He accidentally closed a wound without properly cleaning it out first and had a pebble stuck in his arm for a day before they had to reopen it to take it out. 

“Yes I know,” he sighed, “I’ll see if i can find some better spells for healing, or something that can hide them a lot better,” Merlin said, thinking of where he could find such a thing within the spellbooks. 

“Ok you’re all set,” Gaius set down the bloodied cloth, “I’m sure you can take care of the rest.” Merlin nodded and concentrated his magic on knitting together the split skin on his face. Luckily his magic was useful for stopping the bleeding while Gaius and Gwen cleaned it so the wound closed up nicely. All that was left was a smooth scar slightly raised from his face tracing down from his cheekbone to his chin. Taking a look at himself in the mirror he nodded satisfied with his work. 

“Now you better start looking for those spells. You wouldn’t want Arthur wondering how a fall could give you such a face injury, and how it healed so fast,” Gaius warned. 

“We can help,” volunteered Morgana, “I know it’s not much but I could also do with learning some healing magic.” 

Gwen nodded alongside her, “And three heads are better than one,” she said. 

After a couple hours they’ve combed through all the healing spells and almost half the books when Morgana finally found a spell that could help. “It’s an illusion spell,” she explained, “Glamours can help hide your scars by showing what the castor would want others to see.” Merlin took the book from her hands reading the spell while walking over to the mirror in his room. He recited the spell and looked into the mirror seeing his clear face looking back at him. With practice he could probably perform the spell silently. 

“Thank you,” he said, turning to his two friends, “Now go to bed both of you, it’s late and we all have early mornings tomorrow.” After hugs from both he went to bed to catch some sleep before he had to wake up Arthur in a few hours.

Merlin kept up his glamour, even more so when Arthur was crowned king. You would think that people would stop trying to kill him since he was slowly dismantling the anti-magic laws, but it seems that people can never be happy with any decisions he made. Merlin collected more scars as the years went on, and continued to glamour them like they were never there. He thought that he would be able to keep this up for as long as he needed, but fate decides he thought wrong.

Of course Lancelot was the first of the knights to figure out what Merlin was doing, he was the first to figure out his magic anyway so it was fitting. He noticed Merlin being more clumsy than usual one day, bumping into way more things, walls, people. 

“Merlin what has gotten into you?” Arthur asked the next day after the fifth wall Merlin bumped into. Lancelot, who was nearby, angled his head over to hear the answer as well.

“Nothing! Just tired is all. I was up helping Gaius with some potions last night,” Merlin said, rubbing his eye. 

Arthur sighed, “Well I can’t have you walking into everything we come across today, just go polish my armor and deal with my chambers before you tackle the entire kingdom.” With that Arthur walked away in a huff to his council meeting. Lancelot smirked at the thinly veiled attempt at Arthur showing care for his favorite servant and turned to look at Merlin. As soon as Arthur was gone Lancelot saw Merlin's shoulder sag with relief and headed to the armory, rubbing his eye again. 

Worried about his friend Lancelot followed. When he got there he saw Merlin laying out the king's armor already polished to a shine, with magic no doubt. As he entered Merlin startled, but instantly relaxed seeing as it was only Lancelot who entered. “Merlin are you alright? You seem a lot more out of it than usual,” Lance questioned. 

“I’m fine Lance I promise. Nothing I can’t handle,” Merlin smiled, wincing a bit. He looked at Lance guiltily. 

“Now I definitely know something is wrong. Is it magic? Did you go out alone again? Merlin how many times do I have to tell you to come to me if you need any help,” Lance lectured. As he was speaking he noticed Merlin rubbing his eye again. “Did you hit your head Merlin? You need to tell me what’s wrong right now,” He said crossing his arms.

“Well  _ I  _ didn’t hit my  _ head  _ per se...” Merlin trailing off trying not to reveal too much. Lance walked towards him grabbing his head between his hands turning it side to side trying to see the damage his friend would have received finding nothing there. Merlin’s head still in his hands he forced Merlin to look at him, “Merlin, tell me what happened.” Merlin tried not to make eye contact with him but Lance noticed something, off. One of his eyes didn’t seem...right. Though both were turned away from him he noticed that the left eye was more still, hazy, and as Merlin glanced around there seemed to be a slight lag, like it was trying to mimic the right eye but couldn’t quite catch up. 

“Merlin,” he said with a much sterner voice, “tell me, right now, or I will get Arthur,” his ultimate card, he tried not to use it so much but this seemed like something serious. Merlin’s eyes widened, but seeing as he wasn’t winning this battle he sighed and nodded. As Lance let go of his face Merlin dropped the glamour revealing the face only few ever saw. Lance gasped taking it in. Scars were everywhere, one cutting across his nose, one that spanned from his cheekbone to his chin, one across his lips, three on his jaw, smaller ones littered his face, and one that was the culprit of his current clumsiness, one straight down his eye leaving the once blue iris now a pale gold.

“Merlin, what-” Lance didn’t know what to say. He knew that Merlin was dedicated to protecting and serving Arthur but this, this was unbelievable. 

Merlin chuckled, “A face only a mother could love huh,” Lance couldn’t speak, “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you for help. But this task,” Merlin gestured to his eye, “was a bit last minute. I couldn’t waste any time. I can still see out of it thanks to my magic, just not as well as I used to, hence the bumping into things. Depth perception is a bit off. I’ll get used to it though, I just need time,” Merlin explained with a sad smile.

After a beat Lance just stepped forward and gathered his friend up in a hug, “Merlin please, ask me for help, I don’t want to see you hurt like this.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me friend, it should be me apologizing to you, for not being there when you needed me.”

Merlin sighed wrapping his arms around the knight. Pulling apart Lance asked, “Who else knows about this, I assume Gaius?”

Merlin nodded, “And Morgana and Gwen, they helped me out of a rough one a couple of years ago. They were actually the ones who helped me find the glamour spell. It’s low level enough for me to keep up all day. No glamour, more questions and all that. People know I’m clumsy but not,” he points to his face, “this clumsy.” 

Lance sighed sitting them both down on a bench as Merlin put the glamour back up. He wound his arm around Merlin’s shoulders protectively as if he could will away the hurt Merlin had to suffer through. “You know you’re going to have to tell me what happened right?”

“Yeah, next time.”

Lancelot just nodded and they sat in companionable silence for a moment.

Just then the door slammed open and both of them looked up quickly. “Merlin! Where is my armor? And my chambers are still a mess!” Arthur burst into the room taking in the scene in front of him. Lance’s arms protectively around Merlin, who was equally as shocked, tucked into his side. 

“Merlin. Chambers. Now,” Arthur ordered. Merlin scurried out the door to Arthur’s chambers as Arthur pinned Lance with a glare. “Nothing going on here sire,” Lance smirked putting his hands up in surrender to the king’s jealousy, “just checking in on a friend.” As he got up to leave Lance placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, “You know I only have eyes for Gwen.” 

Arthur gaped after him, trying very poorly to defend himself as Lance walked away. A jealous Arthur was much too fun to play with. Lance chuckled to himself as he walked down the hall trying to figure out some way to keep Merlin from cutting himself to pieces.

Gwaine and Percival were the next two to discover Merlin’s secret two months later, though it was more a stroke of luck that they did. They both were headed back to the castle after a night at the tavern. When they got to the courtyard they noticed a trail of blood leading to Merlin slumped against the wall trying to hop on one leg to get up the stairs to Gaius. 

“Merlin what in gods name happened to you? Are you ok?” Gwaine called out, both him and Percival rushing to aid their friend. Merlin winced at the call of his name, but might as well face the music and get help before falling down the stairs with a nasty wound on his leg. 

They were better than anyone else finding him like this anyway. He was honestly surprised it took this long after coming clean to Lance. Usually when it rains it pours. 

Merlin turned to look at them, his glamour down, the energy redirected to stop the bleeding, “Evening mates, would you both mind helping me up to Gaius? Help now, questions later, thank you,” he said with a strained smile. 

Percival quickly scooped up Merlin in his arms and they both raced him up to the physician chambers as fast as they could without jostling him too much. They burst into the room where Gaius startled but took one look at Merlin in Percival’s arms and ordered, “Put him on the bed, and help me, both of you.” 

With the bleeding stopped Gwaine helped Gaius clean Merlin up while Percy went down to clean the blood down in the courtyard. After some time Merlin was patched up and worn out. 

Both Gwaine and Percival, now calmed down, finally got a good look at Merlin. He was lying on the patient bed in his under clothes since they had to cut off his ruined pants to clean up the wound. They saw the once open cut now a long scar on his thigh amongst others he seemed to have collected. His legs were covered in different sized scars, some more jagged than others, some small like an arrow that caught him too low, one around his calf looked like a large beast tried to take a bite out of him. They didn’t even want to mention his face. 

“So,” Merlin began, turning to his friends, “I have magic.” 

“Yeah we can see that mate,” Gwaine crossed his arms defensively while Percy just nodded. Merlin winced and explained from the beginning, his magic, how he was born with it, who else knows about it, his destiny and all that.

“Please don’t tell Arthur,” he finished with a pleading look to both of them. 

Gwaine assured him, “We won’t tell him if you don’t want us to Merls. We wouldn't do that to a friend. But that doesn’t explain how this morning your pretty mug was flawless, and now you look like you got in a bar fight with a bear.” 

Merlin sighed sitting up, “Well you know how I said it’s my destiny to protect Arthur?” They nodded. “Well this,” he said gesturing to himself, “is the result of that. Some battles are, let’s say, aren’t easy to fight. I use a glamour, illusion magic, to keep it hidden. Less questions that way.”

Gwaine sat back processing what he just heard. “Merlin this is insane, look at what this is doing to you! And all for the Princess? You should have told us so we could protect you! So you won’t have to do this alone.”

“It’s my destiny,” Merlin said sadly but with a hint of pride, “Plus it’s not like danger gives me a two week notice. Lance gave me the same lecture so I’ll tell you what I told him. I’ll ask for your help when I can, but some things I just have to do on my own. I don’t want to see any of you hurt either.”

Gwaine couldn’t help but look at Merlin in disbelief. Their Merlin, risking life and limb for Arthur, for all of them. He felt Percy get up and make his way towards Merlin and sat down next to him engulfing him in a large hug. 

“Sorry,” Merlin said into the hug.

“No. No sorries, just please, be careful Merlin,” Percy said. 

“Yeah mate, you may be an all powerful magic man but you are still our friend,” Gwaine added. 

“Thank you,” Merlin replied.

After saying good night, Percy and Gwaine made their way to their rooms quietly talking about how they could best watch out for Merlin, and how they needed to talk to Lancelot about this. “Did you see Merlin’s legs? It’s ridiculous!” Gwaine said a little too loudly. 

“And pray tell, what about Merlin’s legs are ridiculous?” Both men jumped at the sound of their king’s voice behind them. 

“Sire! It’s late. What are you doing up?,” Gwaine said nervously.

“I was actually on my way to Gaius to get a sleeping draught, now I ask again, when and why were you ogling my man servant's legs?” Arthur was on his way to Gaius? Both men shared a look of panic not wanting Arthur to walk in on Merlin laid out and exhausted. Then Gwaine noticed the look in Arthur’s eye and could see it etched all over his face. _ Oh this is going to be fun _ . 

“We were not  _ ogling _ sire!” Gwaine put his hand on his chest looking affronted. “Percy and I were just coming from Gaius’s chambers since we were at the tavern. We wanted one of his hangover draughts for tomorrow! Merlin, the klutz, spilled some on himself and had to change. Long legs for a tall fellow like him, nice ones at that,” Gwaine smirked, “If it’s ogling you want I’m sure he’d let you look if you asked him nicely,” he said wagging his eyebrows. 

“What are you- I’m not-,” Arthur floundered, blushing furiously. 

“If you need to sleep, Princess, have a couple drinks with us,” Gwaine said, throwing his arm around his King motioning for Percy to do the same. “I have just the thing stashed away for an occasion such as this! It’ll put you right out. And hey, you can have one of our hangover draughts tomorrow.” Being too preoccupied with defending himself and the combined force of Gwaine and Percy, Arthur reluctantly went with them. Gwaine and Percy share a look over the head of the king, hoping that Merlin would be able to get some rest tonight since he might need to deal with a hungover Arthur tomorrow.

The next knight discovered his secret when they were on a long hunting trip and of course Arthur wanted to tote Merlin along with them. It was late in the afternoon and the sun hung high in the sky beating down on all the armored knights. Luckily they came across a small waterfall pouring into a refreshing looking pool of water within the forest. They all stopped for the day setting up a camp nearby. Once they were all settled they raced each other to the water and jumped in as soon as their clothes left their bodies. All but Merlin. 

Arthur noticed Merlin hesitating to join them, still dressed at the edge of the pool. “Merlin stop being such a girl and get in!”

“Uhm,” he nervously looked to the other knights for help, “I still have to collect firewood for tonight, and start on dinner, I’ll take a dip later,” he said slowly creeping back towards camp. 

“Leave him be Arthur, it was your idea to bring him along,” Lance said, sending a wave of water towards Gwaine.

“Yeah Princess! You can see Merlin without his clothes on another time,” Gwaine called out. Arthur sputtered and opted to splash Gwaine to cover up his embarrassment. Gwaine shot Merlin a wink while he shoved Arthur’s head underwater. Merlin gratefully smiled back and headed back to camp.

As the sun started to set everyone went back to camp to have an early dinner. When they were all situated chatting, eating, and drying off in the sun, Merlin snuck away to the pool to take a short swim and wash off. 

“Where did Merlin head off to? It’s getting dark.” Arthur asked looking around. 

“I’ll look for him, Sire,” Leon said, getting up and finishing his meal, “he probably went off to find more firewood or something.” Leon headed off into the woods calling for Merlin. 

When there was no sign of him he began to worry.  _ Didn’t he say he wanted to take a swim earlier?  _

He headed over to the pool, the sun had nearly set leaving only faint traces of sunlight to navigate by. As he got closer to the pool he saw someone lounging at the edge. Leon stiffened and was on guard approaching the stranger. His back was covered in a multitude of scars, as if he was lashed with a whip many times, his shoulder sported a nasty looking burn, but what tipped him off was the ears. They were Merlin’s ears of course, but one one of them looked like a piece of his ear got chipped off. This battle scarred man couldn’t have been their Merlin, he usually hides during battles Arthur makes sure of that. However, Leon called his name all the same. 

Merlin startled as his name was called hastily jumping into the pool. He must have not heard whoever was coming over the waterfall. But he couldn’t turn around to see who it was.

“Merlin?” It sounded a lot like Leon. Damn. Merlin really had the worst luck. 

“Merlin is that really you? What happened to you?” He slowly turned around in the water fully facing Leon. He winced when he saw Leon take in his un-glamoured body. “Hello Sir Leon, if you don’t mind terribly, handing me something to dry off with?” 

Closing his jaw with a click, Leon went over to where Merlin piled his clothes and retrieved the cloth he brought to dry off. He bent over and handed it to Merlin trying not to stare too hard at this face he has never seen before. Out of some sort of courtesy he turned around so Merlin could dry off in some sort of privacy. When Leon heard him walking to where his clothes were he relaxed his shoulders he didn’t realize were so tense. 

“You can turn around Leon, I’m not some maiden you know.” Turning around he saw Merlin dressed and sitting at the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. “You can sit, there’s a lot to explain if you would like to listen,” Merlin said, glancing nervously over his shoulder meeting his eyes. After a slight hesitation Leon slowly sat down next to Merlin and listened. 

“--Illusion magic distorts things. Water is also nature’s way of distorting things. Put them together and poof they cancel out. Therefore,” he gestured vaguely to himself.

“That’s why you didn’t swim with us earlier?”

Merlin nodded. “You’re not going to turn me in are you?” he asked quietly looking out at the waterfall.

“Well you haven’t really given me a reason to. Though I should lock you up to keep you from running head first into trouble all the time,” Leon laughed at Merlin’s pout, “Honestly both you and Arthur are one in the same, throwing yourselves in front of danger at every turn. Seems that dragon was right about both of you.”

Merlin chuckled. “It is my destiny to protect Arthur,” he said blushing at the small admission.

Leon smiled softly, knowing it was more than just destiny keeping them together.  _ They really are made for each other.  _ He threw an arm around Merlin pulling him close to his side. “I’m sure whenever you decide to come clean about all of this, and I mean  _ all  _ of this,” he said knowingly, “Arthur will understand, and who knows, you might just be surprised at the result.”

“Thanks,” Merlin smiled. 

They sat taking in the waterfall as night fell. Though the sound of the rushing waters muffled the sound of a certain king coming up behind them, seeing his knight being awfully close to his favorite man servant.  _ Merlin isn’t mine, he can get cozy with whoever he wants. _

Huffing he turned around and headed back to camp as Leon turned his head in time to see a blonde head disappear behind the trees. 

A while later Merlin and Leon headed back to camp hearing the other knights laughing around the fire with a king missing amongst them. “Where’s Arthur?” Merlin asked. 

“Oh he already went to bed, he went out to look for you, but came back all tense for some reason,” Elyan said. Leon put two and two together and chuckled. Lancelot shot a questioning look between him and Merlin seeing as Merlin’s hair was still damp. Leon just gave him a small nod. 

“He must be mad he couldn’t find me to sharpen his sword or something,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes, “I’ll go just check on his royal prattiness so he won’t wake up all grumpy tomorrow.”

Leon took a seat next to Lancelot, and as soon as Merlin disappeared into the King’s tent spoke, “Those two were definitely made for each other.” The rest of the knights just nodded and laughed in agreement at the two densest idiots to be in love with each other.

In the end Elyan was the last of the knights to stumble in on Merlin’s secret. Well more like Merlin stumbled into him. It was the night he and Gwen were getting together for dinner at her house. Gwen was stirring the stew while Elyan was chopping up the rest of the vegetables when Merlin crashed into the home. He was clutching his arm, sleeve drenched in blood, glamour down. Elyan put down the knife he was brandishing in defense from the intruder with wide eyes, “Merlin?”

Gwen was already helping him inside to the bedroom,“Merlin what happened?”

Merlin shook his head, breathing heavily, “Later, lost a lot of blood.” 

“Elyan, get me some water, cloth, and help me cut Merlin’s shirt off,” Gwen ordered. 

Without wasting time Elyan got all the supplies and started helping Gwen patch Merlin up. When they got his shirt off Elyan gasped at the scars that littered Merlin’s torso and arms. He saw scars where there should have been fatal wounds, one a little too close to his heart, another that looked like a stab to his lungs, and varying slashes across his chest and stomach. An arm looked like some animal clawed his forearms to shreds, and a never ending crisscross of pale lines decorated his hands and fingers. The one thing that stood out was a large burn scar at the center of his chest.

“Elyan,” Gwen said, pulling him out of his trance, “I can explain later, please, we need to help him now.” He nodded and assisted Gwen in cleaning the large slash on Merlin’s arm, spanning his shoulder down to his elbow. He was surprised that more blood wasn’t flowing, but it looks like that also fell into the ‘explain later’ category. 

“Ok Merlin. It’s fine now, you can close it up,” Gwen said gently. Merlin just nodded and braced himself as he slowly mended his arm. 

Elyan couldn’t believe what he was seeing. A faint glow crept down Merlin's arm leaving behind a long scar where open flesh used to be. “Gwen, you can tell him, I need to rest,” Merlin huffed as he closed his eyes to sleep. 

“Of course,” she ran her hands through his hair and dropped a kiss on his forehead. She turned to Elyan, “C’mon there’s a lot to explain over dinner.” She walked to the front room to leave Merlin to rest. Elyan followed and took one last look at Merlin’s sleeping form before closing the door.

The next day Elyan was looking for Merlin to see if he was ok after last night’s events. It was a bit alarming to see Merlin so happy and chipper this morning after seeing him with his arm gouged open just a couple hours prior. Seeing as he wasn’t attending to anyone in the halls Elyan made his way over to Merlin who was carrying a load of laundry to one of the linen closets. Merlin caught sight of him and tilted his head indicating he should follow. When he caught up, Elyan grabbed the basket for him. Even if Merlin seemed fine he shouldn’t be carrying something this heavy after having his arm almost cut off. 

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

They walked in a comfortable silence but there was something unspoken between the two of them hanging in the air. When they walked into the closet Merlin started to put away the linens while Elyan leaned against the opposite set of shelves. “Gwen told you everything I assume,” Merlin said, not stopping his task. 

“Yes.” 

“Are you going to tell Arthur?”

“No...” 

“But?”

“You really should. It’ll kill him to see you like this. Hell  _ I’m  _ mad at you for this. Why keep it a secret? You know Arthur is working on reinstating magic into Camelot. You can trust he won’t kill you. There is no reason to keep all of this from him.”

“I’ve been hiding it for so long I just can’t risk it. I love him too much to betray him like this. But, I will continue to protect him, no matter what the cost,” he absentmindedly rubbed his arm at the admission. 

Elyan shook his head, “No Merlin this is ridiculous. You can’t possibly believe that any of us will stand by while you go get hurt pitting yourself against the new monster of the week all because it’s your destiny. You can’t protect Arthur when you’re dead Merlin. No matter how much you love him.”

Merlin winced at that but he looked Elyan in the eye with determination, “If I die protecting Arthur then so be it.” 

“Absolutely not, I’m not having this, we have to tell him.”

Merlin lunged at him, “No! We cannot tell Arthur.”

“Cannot tell me what exactly?”

Both men froze and slowly turned to face the king waiting at the closet door. Looking at his servant and one of his knights in a linen closet did not bode well for either of them.

“Merlin, come with me now. Sir Elyan please finish putting away the linens,” he said curtly. 

“Arthur I--” Merlin started. “Now, Merlin,” he said, turning swiftly on his heel leaving the two men in the closet. Merlin threw Elyan one last look indicating they were not done with this conversation and hurriedly ran after Arthur. 

When they got to Arthur’s chambers Merlin stood anxiously by the door fiddling with the hem of his sleeve. Arthur sat in the chair at his desk, eyebrow raised. “Imagine my surprise as I was walking down the hall looking for  _ my  _ servant when I hear voices coming from the linen closet. Now you understand my concern when I hear those voices get louder and I look inside seeing my servant and one of my knights in that very same closet in an interesting position. Would you care to explain why you were in the closet with one of my knights and  _ what  _ exactly you cannot tell me, the king?” Merlin cringed, but luckily it seemed like Arthur didn’t hear much of the conversation. “Arthur it really isn’t --,”

“Oh? Because it looks like you were canoodling with one of my knights in a linen closet.”

“Arth-, wait canoodling?”

“Yes Merlin  _ canoodling _ .”

Merlin paused and started to laugh, doubling over clutching his stomach. Arthur looked surprised and pouted. “What are you laughing about, what is so funny?”

“Y-you think Elyan and I?,” Merlin continued to laugh. Once he calmed himself he wiped the stray tears from his face. “As wonderful as Sir Elyan is, we were not ‘canoodling’,” he explained.

“Oh really? And what? That secret you weren’t going to tell me is that both of you started courting? Please Merlin, don’t lie to me. I know what’s going on. You can court whoever you like. You don’t have to hide it from me.” Arthur huffed.

“Arthur, I promise you, nothing is going on between me and Elyan. We were just having a slight disagreement is all,” he waved his hand in dismissal.

“Then is this about you and Leon?”

“Me and  _ Leon _ ?” 

“You don’t have to hide it. I saw you both at that waterfall two weeks ago. You both seemed pretty chummy to me,” he said, crossing his arms defiantly. 

“We’re not --- Arthur, do you think I’m going around ‘canoodling’ with every knight I meet? You know they are as much my friends as they are yours. There is absolutely  _ nothing _ romantic going on with me and any of the knights. And certainly no ‘canoodling’.”

“Ok, and if the secret isn’t about your relationships then what is so important that you are so adamant to keep from me. Seems like everyone else already knows. You know you can trust me Merlin. Right?” He said that last part a bit more quietly and it broke Merlin’s heart having Arthur think he doesn’t trust him. 

“Arthur, I promise it’s nothing you really need to worry about.” He made his way over to where Arthur was sitting taking one of his hands.

Arthur scoffed but was silent looking at their joined hands. 

“I just--,” he sighed, “it is going to change a lot of things if I tell you Arthur.”

Arthur looked up at him with worry.

“And I do trust you Arthur, never doubt that I do.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?” he looked at Merlin with those big blue eyes of his, and Merlin was a very weak man.  _ Well I guess Elyan is getting what he wants.  _

He took a deep breath, “Fine, but, I need to know if you’re ready. Gods know I had all the time to prepare.”

Arthur stared at him with concern but he nodded for Merlin to continue.

“Just please understand I did it for you, all of it is for you,” Merlin pleaded.

Arthur squeezed his hand in assurance.

A beat.

“I have magic.” 

The king's hand tightened around his. Arthur looked away from Merlin at their hands. It was quiet for a couple moments. Merlin could see the slight flurry of emotions on Arthur’s face but neither of them let go. 

After what seemed like a lifetime, “Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yes,” Arthur said looking back up at Merlin, “Ok.”

“You’re not going to kill me right?” Merlin said tentatively, attempting to cover up the fear in his voice, his hands shaking.

Arthur shook his head, “I am mad at you, don’t think that I’m not,” he said sternly, “but as I loathe to admit it I do care about you Merlin, a lot more than you think,” Merlin let out a breath. 

“And you know I'm the one reforming the laws on magic Merlin. Use that head of yours.” 

“Just checking,” Merlin said with a relieved smile.

He gave one last squeeze to Merlin’s hand before letting go, “Now give me some time to think about some things, one of my best friends decided to drop a lot of information I need to process.” Merlin looked nervous again, “But come back and have dinner with me tonight, we have a lot to discuss about all those times you supposedly saved my life,” Arthur mused.

Merlin chuckled, “I’m not sure the trees like you enough to save you that many times Arthur.” 

He rolled his eyes,“Go on now Merlin, I’ll see you tonight, unless you have any other secrets you would like to share at the moment?” Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Merlin didn’t even entertain the idea of confessing, but he thought about his glamour.  _ It'll kill him to see you like this,  _ echoed in his head. 

“Nope. I’ll see you tonight Arthur.” He closed the door thinking of who to tell first about this development.

A couple weeks later found everyone celebrating Merlin being deemed the official Court Sorcerer of Camelot. Arthur thought it was necessary that Merlin receive the title and to award him for everything that he has done for him and all their friends. Though his title didn’t relieve him of a lot of the servant duties Merlin was adamant about keeping. 

It was a lively dinner with the knights, Gaius, Morgana, and Gwen. Everyone was having a great time, the wine was flowing and there was enough food to feed everyone three times over. 

Merlin was seated between Arthur and Gwaine when Arthur noticed Merlin had a bit of wine on his face from spilling it when Gwaine threw his arm around him and started to drunkenly sing. “Merlin you seem to have something on your face there,” moving to touch Merlin’s face. Lance almost choked on his wine. Merlin seemed to freeze in his seat. Gwen and Morgana who was seated next to Arthur heard and both subtly looked to see if Merlin’s glamour wavered. Gwaine tried to shift his arm so most of Merlin’s face was obstructed from view and examined his face. When Merlin made eye contact with Elyan across the table who sent him a small shake of his head indicating his glamour, in fact, had not worn off. 

Gwaine laughed and eased some of the tension, “Merlin how can you be a Court Sorcerer if you can’t handle your drink!” he said raucously. He grabbed a napkin and made a show of playfully rubbing it all over Merlin’s face. The room collectively let out a breath, but Merlin remained on edge for the rest of the night. Arthur didn’t seem to notice the others' reactions but got concerned about Merlin until they both retired to Arthur’s chambers that night. 

“Merlin are you alright? You seem out of it.”

“It’s nothing Arthur, just tired is all. I think I had too much to drink,” He said, taking Arthur’s cloak. 

“Are you sure?”

Merlin absently touched his jaw, “Yes, I promise, I just need to get some sleep. Now hurry up, you cabbage head, you’re the one keeping me from my bed.”

Arthur didn’t let the gesture go unnoticed, “Is it because I almost touched your face? If that made you uncomfortable I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done so.”

“No, um, just I guess, a little self conscious about my face,” which was a bit of an understatement, “you can touch my face whenever you want,” he said dismissively. 

“Well, um,” luckily the lights were low enough to cover up the blush on Arthur’s face, “If it’s any consolation I like your face, you have a nice face,” he coughed trying to hide his own. 

“Thank you Arthur, I happen to like yours as well,” Merlin chuckled.

He finished dressing Arthur and they bid each other goodnight. Merlin made his way back to his new chambers with a smile.

After all the pomp and circumstance of becoming Court Sorcerer, Merlin needed to get away to relax and maybe visit his mother to share the good news in person. He ran this idea by Arthur during one of their many meetings with the knights. “I think a break after all of this would do me some good, plus I haven’t seen my mother in ages. It would be nice to see her and bring some good news with me for once.” 

Arthur nodded pretending to contemplate if Merlin should go, as if he wasn’t ready to give Merlin everything he asked at the drop of a hat. “Of course Merlin, I can come with you. It would be good to visit the border now that we have started to reinstate magic into the kingdom.” 

Merlin looked at him incredulously. “You want to come?”

“Of course, and like you said we could use a break.”

“I think you should bring some knights as well,” interjected Lancelot, “it’s, uh, dangerous for just both of you to go by yourselves.”

The rest of the knights nodded in agreement.

“Plus I highly doubt the Princess could protect Merlin all by himself. What if there are bandits? Or people who want to still get revenge against Arthur,” Gwaine added. 

Arthur sputtered, “Wha- I’m-I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself.” 

“Of course Sire,” assured Leon, “I think it would be in the interest of everyone to assure Merlin’s safety as well.”

“I can protect him well enough, plus I don’t think we can forget he  _ is  _ the most powerful person here.”

The knights shared a look around the table and Merlin just sighed knowing what they all were thinking. He looked down and massaged his hands knowing that underneath the illusion, all those scars showed he was still just Merlin. Someone who could get hurt no matter how powerful he was. 

“All right fine,” Merlin surrendered, “if it would make you all feel better you all can come with me. I’m sure Gwen and Morgana can take care of things for a couple of days.”

The knights collectively looked relieved. 

“Ok then, we will leave in two days,” Arthur acquiesced, “We’ll send a messenger ahead to let your mother know you and your merry band of knights are coming to visit.”

Merlin smiled softly at the idea of seeing his mother, though was dreading the thought of the doting knights he’ll be toting along with him. 

Two days later found them and the knights most of the way to Ealdor when clouds started to gather. Merlin got a little nervous since he’s been riding alongside Arthur for the better part of the trip. Rain could make things a little tricky. They stopped for a break to water their horses and have a bite to eat before they reached the village. 

They were about to set off again when there was a rumble in the distance that worried Merlin. A hand clamped over his shoulder that startled him. “Merlin, if you don’t mind us riding alongside you, we have something we would like to discuss before we reach Ealdor?” Leon and Elyan gave him a knowing look and smiled. Merlin was grateful for the excuse to not ride beside Arthur when the storm was approaching and relaxed a bit. “Of course, let’s just get packed up,” he smiled.

To say Arthur was upset that he wasn’t riding with Merlin was an understatement. He didn’t know what was so important that both Leon and Elyan had to speak to him the rest of the way to the village. Worse yet, Gwaine thought it was a good idea to be his replacement companion chatting away about something or another he couldn’t bother paying attention to. He was unsubtly trying to hear Merlin’s conversation, but Gwaine’s boisterous voice prevented him from eavesdropping. Soon it wasn’t Gwaine’s voice that drowned out the conversation, but the clouds that opened up to let down a harsh downpour. 

Not even five minutes into the storm everyone was soaked. Though Merlin’s cloak had a hood, it didn’t do much to keep out the water. And of course he forgot his gloves back at home. He couldn’t keep up both his glamour and keep the rain at bay for everyone at the same time. If he only did it for himself he’ll feel guilty not helping the others. Maybe he could dry out his cloak so it doesn’t collect so much water?  _ I’d be doing that every three minutes.  _ He grumbled to himself. Just then it seemed like the rain lightened up a little. He looked up to see a cloth tented over him. Leon and Elyan were holding up a large cloth to shield him from a good amount of the downpour. Leon also tossed him some gloves, and Merlin was about to start crying for having such wonderful friends. 

He pulled on the gloves, “Thank you.” They both just smiled.

Arthur was, less than enthused at the sight behind him. When the downpour started he quickly threw on his hood and was about to call back to Merlin to see if he was alright. But the sight that greeted him instead was Leon and Elyan holding up a cloth between them shielding Merlin from the rain while Merlin was pulling on a pair of gloves that were distinctly not his.  _ Arthur gave him a very nice pair of leather gloves last Yule that are way better than those thank you very much.  _ Trying and failing not to be irritated by this he continued along with Gwaine somehow still prattling along. Great, now he was cold, wet, and very annoyed.

Luckily the downpour left just as quickly as it had come as they made their way closer to Ealdor. They paused for a moment to allow Merlin to dry everyone off one at a time as to not have his glamour waver. 

When they reached the entrance of the village Hunith was waiting to welcome them along with the rest of the villagers. Merlin broke the ranks to trot ahead to meet his mother first. Hardly coming to a full stop he stumbled off his horse and into her arms. “Hello son,” she said teary eyed, as she took a look at her son’s face, “I see a lot has changed since you were here last”.

Merlin laughed softly “Heh, yeah”.

When the rest of the party arrived they saw Merlin already chatting away with his mother unpacking his things from his horse while the other villagers greeted their king and his knights.

“Your majesty it’s lovely to see you again, thank you for bringing Merlin home and keeping him out of trouble,” Huntih greeted.

“Please, just Arthur. And of course, though he doesn’t make it easy,” he teased giving her a slight bow.

Merlin just rolled his eyes, “I don’t get into  _ that _ much trouble.”

Both Hunith and Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, while the knights just shot him an incredulous look. 

“Oh don’t look at me like that,” he crossed his arms defensively and stubbornly walked to his old home. 

“Still going on with the dramatics I see,” Hunith laughed.

“You would think that making him Court Sorcerer would mellow him out a bit, but I think it did the opposite,” Arthur smiled.

“Thank you Arthur, really, for everything. For accepting him, and for being his friend.”

“Well,” he blushed, “he made that part easy,” he said, glancing at the direction Merlin disappeared to. 

Not missing the small gesture Hunith leaned in a bit, placing a hand on his arm, “Thank you for loving him.”

Sputtering and wide eyed Arthur’s blush grew deeper at the soft knowing smile Hunith gave him. “Come now, there is a lot to do before the feast tonight,” she ordered ushering the visitors further into the village.

Arthur and the Knights were sequestered to a large barn that was turned into a comfortable temporary living space for them. Merlin was adamant on staying with his mother to catch her up on things she missed while he was away that couldn't fit in a letter.

“- and of course I get my hand stuck in it! Luckily Arthur was there to get it off,” Merlin laughed. Hunith listened to her son talk about all the stories he collected in their time apart while prepping for the feast that night. Though she knew he was omitting a lot of the more dangerous details for her sake. Which didn’t do much to help her worry less about her beloved son. She knew a lot of these stories ended with another mark on him. And seeing as he has his glamour up around her, he has definitely collected more since the last visit. 

“Merlin,” she interrupted.

“Yes?”

“You have your glamour up.”

“Oh, do I? I hardly notice sometimes,” he looked into the fireplace.

“I know you don’t want to worry me darling, but I don’t want you to hide from me either,” she said chopping up some vegetables.

Merlin sighed and let his glamour down.

Turning away from her task she takes a look at her son’s face. She slowly walks over to where he was seated and cradles his head in her hands taking in the pale scars that littered his face. Delicately she traced them with her fingers as if that would make them, and the pain that brought them, disappear from her son. “There’s a lot more than last time,” she stated simply. 

“Yeah, there would’ve been a lot more if I didn’t have my friends to help,” he said.

“I’m glad, though, it seems not all of your friends know about this. I’m assuming a certain king doesn’t know,” she tapped his nose.

He looked guiltily at his hands,“I don’t want him to see me like this. He’ll blame himself for it, the self centered prat,” he said softly.

“Darling, he cares about you, and doesn’t want to see his friends hurt for him. Though I don’t think it’s doing anyone any good if you hide this from him. What are you afraid of?”

He sighs, “I’m afraid that if he sees me like this, he’ll see all the times he’d failed to help me, I’ll be a constant reminder of someone who received nothing but pain being at his side. I don’t want to break him like that. I don’t want to be his reminder of all the pain he should’ve received but didn’t. Because he didn’t deserve any of it. Because I would do this all again if it meant he was safe.”

Hunith moved to take Merlin’s hands, and observed the ridges and calluses he collected in his time away from her, protecting someone he loved. “I don’t think Arthur would do that to himself, or to you. When I see these scars, though they bear a lot of pain and hurt, they also show the care and dedication you have to protecting him,” she looked directly into his eyes, “they show how much you love him.”

Merlin’s breath caught in his throat.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Hunith smiled warmly, “He’s usually the topic of all your letters, and I see the way you look at him,” she smirked, “the way you look at each other.”

Merlin huffed, “The day King Arthur Pendragon is in love with me is the day I turn into a dragon myself.”

“Well we’ll just have to see won’t we?” Hunith leaned in and kissed her son on the forehead. “And you better show him these soon,” she said thumbing a scar on his cheek, “It is best to know all of each other when you already have their hearts.”

Melin sat quietly while Hunith returned to preparing for the feast. 

A knock at the door startled Merlin to quickly put his glamour up once more as Hunith went to answer it. 

“Oh, Arthur what good timing, we were actually just talking about you.” Merlin glared in her direction.

“All good things I hope,” he smiled.

“Just the things Merlin doesn’t include in his letters.”

“Mum!”

“You write about me?”

“I only spend everyday with you Arthur, I hardly see what else I could write about,” Merlin pouted.

“Well,” Hunith said, “I better get these to the fire outside for dinner. You boys can relax here if you like, I’ll send someone to fetch you when it’s time to eat.” And she was swiftly out the door leaving Merlin and Arthur to their own devices.

While waiting for dinner to be finished both Merlin and Arthur decided to discuss plans for the rest of their stay. “Ugh why did  _ everyone  _ have to come? I could’ve very well taken care of the both of us. Although, everyone was much more adamant about your well-being than mine and  _ I’m _ the king!” Arthur ranted at the table.

Merlin chuckled from his spot in front of the fireplace looking at some maps, “I’m sure they just wanted to be safe, no harm no foul,” he shrugged.

“You might as well take my crown at this point, I’m sure  _ my  _ knights would climb over me to protect you at the first sign of trouble,” Arthur pouted. 

Now that was an idea. With a mischievous smile Merlin quietly snuck over to where Arthur was sulking and quickly sntached the crown off of his head.

“Aha!”

“Wha-,” Before he could protest further the words died in Arthur’s throat. Merlin already had bounded towards the fireplace shoving the crown on his head. And as if the world didn’t hate him enough, Merlin looked down right ethereal in the firelight. The flames cast a golden glow, illuminating the crown on his dark messy hair. His smile brightened his face, the shadows making him look like the young man Arhur fell in love with years ago and still loved today. 

“I think this looks pretty good on me don’t you think? You think I could get my own?” Merlin said, fiddling with the gold circlet on his head. Arthur would’ve given Merlin a thousand crowns if he could, though something about having his own crown on Merlin’s head rendered him speechless. 

After realizing he had been silent too long Arthur feigned frustration and stalked over to where Merlin stood grabbing the crown off his head, “Hey!”

“You can get your own when you’ve earned it, though I could have thrown you in the dungeons for taking the royal crown you know, and you’ll never get one if you’re stuck down there,” Arthur tutted.

“Whatever,” Merlin swiped the crown back. “This thing can only fit your big head anyway,” he said, gently placing it back on Arthur’s head. Merlin vaguely registered how close they were standing together, but was distracted by taking in the image of his king as the light bounced off his blonde hair and highlighted his blue, clear water eyes. 

A knock at the door had them quickly springing apart. “Sire, Merlin, it’s time for the feast. Don’t want all this food to go to waste now,” Lancelot said poking his head through the door. 

“Ahem, of course, we’re on our way,” said Merlin quickly heading out the door. “C’mon Arthur I’m starving!” Arthur sighed and had no choice but to follow.

The festival that night was small but fun. There was plenty of food to go around thanks to Arthur bringing along food and supplies as gifts. There was dancing and drinking and Merlin hadn’t felt this relaxed outside of the castle in a long time. Usually going out meant coming back with another scar, but he’s always happy for moments like this. 

During their stay in Ealdor the knights and Merlin helped around the village with various tasks: replacing fences, fixing roofs, helping with the harvest, and taking care of the animals. Though by the end of the day Merlin was fed up. At every turn he tried to help, one of the knights would pop out of somewhere claiming they can handle the task in his stead.

“No worries Merlin, I can patch this up no problem. Save your energy,” Leon said. 

“Merlin! Get off the roof! I can do that, don't worry!” Gwaine said, already climbing up the ladder. 

“Oh Merlin I already helped fetch the water, it’s all taken care of,” said Lance hauling the last couple of buckets.

“Alright! What is with you lot? Whenever I try to do something, you all are there at every turn doing it for me. And don’t think I don’t notice when this happens at the castle. I usually let it slide but not this time. I demand an answer,” Merlin puffed his cheeks at Elyan standing awkwardly around the finished pile of chopped wood. 

“Erm, well, since we all know that you need your magic for your glamour, we don’t think it’s such a good idea for you to be magicking things up all the time. Plus you’re essentially the equivalent to a walking patch quilt so we know how hard it is for you to move around. So we promised to help you when we can, since you're so keen to inform us  _ after _ you get skewered by something. Our way of saying thanks, and stop working so hard, and stop trying to break your neck at every turn. I guess it got a little obvious out here,” he finished lamely.

Merlin’s heart melted, but he was still irritated. He sighed, “Thank you, really, but I have explained that this is low energy magic, so me ‘magicking things up’ doesn’t affect it unless I try to do something astronomical. I can handle some chores on my own, thank you. I’m not completely useless,” Elyan winced at that, “But I understand where you’re coming from. And I appreciate it, but you lot need to let me do some things for myself.”

“I suppose we could let up a little. But until you stop throwing yourself into the fire  _ without us, _ we won’t stop helping you.”

Merlin sighed in defeat,“Fine, just, let me do something, I’ve been losing my mind all day.”

Elyan smiled, “Brilliant, you can help get the wood distributed to everyone.”

With a small spell Merlin gathered all the wood in neat piles and sent them to all the different houses in the village. He turned back to Elyan looking like a starry eyed kid waiting for another task, instead of a powerful warlock who just did a half hour chore in five minutes. Elyan just laughed and slung his arm around him and looked for something else they could do.

A few days later had them all packed and ready to go back to the castle. Merlin hugged his mother goodbye, “I’m going to miss you.” 

“I’m going to miss you more.” She kissed his forehead. “Stay safe, for me.”

“I’ll try.” 

She nodded in Arthur’s direction, “Tell him, soon.”

“Soon.” Merlin promised, looking longingly in the king’s direction. Arthur noticed he was being observed and made his way over to the pair. 

“Thank you for your hospitality Hunith. We’ll be sure to visit again sooner rather than later.” Arthur bowed slightly. 

“Of course. You and your knights are welcome back any time dear. And do keep an eye on Merlin, he has a habit of getting into trouble.”

“Don’t I know it,” Arthur sighed.

“Hey I keep out of trouble well enough!” Merlin protested, which earned him a double dose of incredulous looks. With a groan and a swift kiss for his mother Merlin stomped to where his horse was being prepared.

“Take care of each other,” Hunith said, taking Arthurs hands.

“Of course.” Arthur was pulled into a motherly hug he only had received a few times before. Giving Hunith one last squeeze he strode over to his horse. 

They all waved goodbye promising to return again soon, and soon they were off back to Camelot.

Of course after a dream of a vacation it had to end in shambles.

Bandits, of course it had to be bandits. It couldn’t have been a petty thief, or some low magic sorcerer? No, it had to be about twenty rough looking, well coordinated, bandits. 

Try as they might to protect Merlin, the knights were having loads of trouble protecting themselves, they were quite outnumbered. Though it seemed he was doing well, trying to protect all of them and Arthur. 

Merlin was glad he didn’t have to hide his magic anymore which made the whole fighting business a whole lot easier. It was going well, most of the bandits were running off seeing as they were outclassed. Out of the few that remained it was easy pickings for the knights. 

That is of course until one of the bandits took a swing at Merlin from behind. Merlin felt a searing pain after the shock and cried out. Arthur turned around just in time to see him collapse on the forest floor. “Merlin!” He yelled running towards his fallen warlock. Arthur drove his sword through the bandit as the other knights sprung into action. Seeing their comrade fall the rest of the bandits dispersed. 

Lancelot was the first to get there tearing off Merlin’s cape and shirt. “Shit. He’s passed out from the shock,” he cursed. “Elyan the kit! Percy get me any water that the villagers provided, not the water from the river! Gwaine set up a tent! Leon get me some clean cloth so we can stop up the bleeding while he’s passed out.” Lancelot ordered them with practiced ease. They’d done this often enough, unfortunately, to be as efficient as possible when trying to patch up Merlin. 

“Wha- what’s— is he ok? What’s going on?” Arthur almost shouted in panic seeing Merlin almost lifeless on the ground slowly bleeding. But not only that his glamour had worn off, giving Arthur a view of Merlin’s body for the first time. “Lance what is happening? What’s wrong with Merlin? Why does he look like that?” Arthur’s desperation bled through his questions. 

“Shit,” Lancelot forgot about Arthur in the midst of everything, “Arthur we promise to tell you as much as we can, but right now I need some space to work and to wake up Merlin.”

“We?” Arthur looked at his knights at work, as if they were going through the motions with practiced ease.

“I’m sorry Arthur but we haven’t got the time, help Gwaine with the tent he’ll need to rest after this one.”

_ This one.  _ Echoed in Arthurs head.  _ This wasn’t the first time this has happened. _

Arthur just nodded his head and helped Gwaine with the tent, “He didn’t want us to tell you mate. He didn’t want to worry you,” Gwaine said as Arthur helped with the tarp. “He’s an idiot.” Arthur said quietly, mind buzzing with questions. He just silently put up the tent trying not to think about Merlin.

Lancelot worked quickly as soon as the rest of the knights got him the supplies. “Percy, Leon, make camp. Elyan, help me with this.”

Lance opened up what they all called the “Merlin kit.” It was full of supplies to help patch up Merlin if they were too far from the castle or if the wound was too serious for them to make it back. Each knight got one when they all discovered his habit of hiding his scars. This way, just in case (which was a lot), they could help Merlin with his wounds whenever he deigned to bring any of them along on his secret warlock missions. With a little know how from Gaius, each of the knights knew what to do to help Merlin. Lance was the most experienced having known the longest, so he usually took care of the wound while the others helped with different tasks.

Lance selected an herb from the kit, rubbed it between his hands, and waved in front of Merlin’s nose. They needed him awake enough to stop the bleeding. If he was out too long his magic would want to seal him up without a proper clean and then they’d have to open up the wound again to pick out whatever landed in it to prevent an infection. And definitely none of them wanted to do that. “Merlin I swear, you self sacrificial idiot, wake up,” Lancelot said desperately. Luckily Merlin’s eyes fluttered open and wrinkled his nose at the offending herb. 

“Lance?”

“Merlin, thank the gods. You need to stay with us, or at least be conscious enough to stop the blood.”

“Arthur?” he asked as he gathered enough energy to stop the blood.

Lance laughed, “Only you would worry about him before yourself, he’s fine he’s helping Gwaine.”

“He saw right?”

Lance nodded quietly, “I’m sorry, it all happened too quickly.”

“It’s okay. Bound to happen sooner or later,” Merlin chuckled lowly, “Wish it was under better conditions though.”

“Well I think it’s rather fitting,” Lance said. He kept Merlin talking so he and Elyan could clean out the wound. “Do you want us to talk to him?”

“Yes, but just stick to the technicalities, I can talk to him about the rest,” Merlin croaked. He was getting dehydrated and the pain of the medicine wasn’t helping either. Couple all of that with the bloodloss it was taking a lot out of him to stay awake.

“Just a little longer Merlin,” Elyan said, “We should have timed this, I think this was our best record.”

Lancelot huffed, “How about we close him up first before we decide to set any records.” 

Merlin took that as his cue to seal up the wound, this one was deep. This one was definitely going to leave a nasty mark Merlin thought as he passed out.

Lancelot saw that the wound was closed and saw that Merlin was quietly breathing, out cold from all the energy he spent. Breathing a sigh of relief he called to Percy, “Get him in the tent, he needs to rest. A lot of blood loss for this one.” Percy just nodded and gingerly picked up Merlin and carried him to the tent Gwaine and Arthur set up. When they saw Lance approaching with Merlin in Percy’s arms both men stood up quickly looking to see if he was okay. “He’s fine, he just needs a bit of rest,” Lance said, making way for Percy to put Merlin down in the tent. Arthur made a move to follow but was stopped by hand on his shoulder. “Let him rest Arthur, we have some explaining to do anyway. You can see to him after,” Lancelot said.

With a pained, longing look at the tent, Arthur just sighed and followed Lancelot to the campfire where the rest of the knights were already gathered.

Arthur sat quietly as he listened to his knights tell him about Merlin’s glamour, about the secret tasks he always gets mixed up in, how he always comes back marked someway or another. They told their stories, about how they learned about it, how they tried to help.

“We do everything we can to protect him Arthur,” It was already evening when Lancelot finished.

Arthur was silent for another moment, “Everything? Then why is he sleeping in that tent covered in scars? If you did  _ everything  _ then he wouldn’t have a bloody mark on him!” He stood yelling at his knights.

“Arthur you know that’s not fair. You know just as well as all of us that Merlin will always run head first into trouble if it meant saving someone,” Lancelot looked into his eyes, “If it meant saving you.”

Arthur stood, fists clenched at his sides. He took a shaky breath and sat back down again. “I’m sorry. It’s just,” he looked at the tent, “He’s an idiot isn’t he,” he said defeatedly. 

Gwaine laughed, “That he is Sire. Just, hear him out when he wakes up, yeah?” He gave a reassuring pat on Arthur’s shoulder. 

“Alright, let’s prepare dinner now mates. I’m starving,” Elyan said. 

“Let me help,” Arthur said quietly, “I don’t think I could face him right now, not yet,” 

They all just nodded and got to work. 

After dinner Arthur helped clean up and decided to help Leon with the dishes. At the nearby creek they both quietly washed dinner out of their bowls. 

“It’s not your fault you know,” Leon began. Arthur stopped washing, “I’ve known you for a long time Arthur, I know you’re blaming yourself for this, but it isn’t your fault. All of us had felt guilty for not being there for Merlin and he has told us many times over that it is not our fault he gets hurt. Though there is not much we can do to stop him from throwing himself into trouble, the most we can do is protect him when we can, and patch him up when we can’t.” Leon stacked the bowls turning to Arthur, “Don’t blame yourself Arthur, he wouldn’t want that for you.”

“He was doing all of this for me, I should’ve been there,” Arthur started.

“We’ve all said the same thing Arthur. Doesn’t stop the man from sneaking out and taking on the new monster in the woods by himself. We know what you’re going through. Though,” he smirked, “we may not care for Merlin in the way that you do.”

Arthur didn’t try to defend himself, “It seems I fell in love with an idiot huh?”

_ Merlin would say the same  _ Leon thought. “Seems you have my friend.”

“We should get back,” Arthur stood steeling himself to finally face Merlin.

They both made their way back to camp, the rest of the knights chatting around the fire. “Get some rest all of you, it’s been a long day,” Arthur said. “I can take care of Merlin if he decides to wake up.” They all nodded and watched him enter the tent. 

Inside Arthur saw Merlin sleeping peacefully, as if he wasn’t just flayed open just hours ago. The lantern inside did little to illuminate the tent but it did shine a dull glow on Merlin’s body. Arthur saw the scars that marred his shoulders and chest, the ones that littered his face, arms and hands. He tried no to think about the scars he couldn’t see past the blanket that was thrown over Merlin’s body. He looked at the man he loved marked with pain he could’ve done nothing to prevent. Arthur sat down next to Merlin taking his hand, running a thumb over the pale lines that decorated the back of his hand. He lifted the hand to his lips, just barely brushing one of the many scars that was raised from Merlin’s skin. 

“Idiot,” Arthur whispered. He cupped Merlin’s hand in both of his and studied the scars well into the night.

Merlin’s head throbbed as he woke up. His throat was dry and moving made his back ache. There was a warm pressure on his hand, another hand in his, it felt comfortable, safe. He squeezed it as he groaned and tried to sit up. He held his head in his empty hand, rubbing his forehead trying to remember what happened before he passed out. “Here drink,” said a familiar voice, as it handed him a water skin which he gratefully drank from. Another hand came and rubbed his back tracing the new scar, it was warm, calming, Merlin turned to see his caretaker. 

“Arthur!” Merlin yelped. He scrambled back towards the tent wall surprised at seeing the king sitting cross legged beside him. Arthur saw Merlin shimmer and his skin smooth out. “What happened, what are you doing here?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “Relax Merlin, you got hurt so we set up camp. It’s barely dawn so everyone else is asleep right now. I was waiting for you to wake up.”

“Oh. So...”

“The glamour is unnecessary.”

Merlin looked at his body, skin unmarred, “Ah, force of habit I suppose,” he noted quietly.

Arthur crossed his arms raising an eyebrow.

“I suppose you also know...,” he gestured vaguely. Arthur nodded.

“Would it help if I apologized first?”

Arthur pursed his lips, and sighed, “Come here Merlin.”

Merlin crawled over to sit in front of him. 

“The glamour Merlin.”

Merlin hesitated, and with a deep breath he let go.

Arthur watched the scars reappear and slowly took in what he had been observing all night. He took Merlin’s hands in his, tracing the scars and looking at them intently. 

“I should be mad at you. I can’t honestly say that I’m not, the others assured me they had the same reaction when they found out. But, they keep telling me you did it to protect people, to protect me. I was then mad at myself, that I couldn’t help you, or protect you when you needed it.”

“Arth--”

“But I was told that was futile as well.”

“I would do it again if I had to,” Merlin said defiantly.

“So I’ve been hearing.” 

Arthur raised his head. Cupping Merlin’s face in his hand he delicately ran his fingers over the ridges that marred his face. Arthur looked into his eyes, seeing one faded gold and the other deep blue, searching for something. “I just...don't want you to sneak away one day and not come back. I don’t want to wonder every night if you’ll come home with another mark. I need you to not throw yourself at every goddamned sight of trouble.” 

He took a deep breath, “I love you too much to lose you Merlin.”

Merlin froze.  _ Love?  _

He felt the king’s touch on his face, his hands. He felt the warmth of his look, full of adoration and worry. “You love me?”

Arthur smiled, “Unfortunately.”

Merlin laughed, lunging forward to capture the lips that he never thought he could have. He crawled onto Arthur’s lap to close the distance that had been between them for so long. Arms circled around Merlin’s waist bringing them impossibly closer. Arthur’s lips were soft, pressing against Merlin’s as if he couldn’t breathe without them. 

Finally.

He didn't realize he was crying until he tasted salt. With a final peck they separated, Arthur wiping the tears from Merlin’s cheek laying kisses on his eyes.

“I love you so much Arthur,” Merlin breathed.

“You can’t love me if you’re dead,” Arthur rebutted, pulling Merlin close to his chest.

Merlin sighed, sniffling, “I promise to do everything in my power to come back to you, more or less in one piece.”

Arthur chuckled, “That's as good as I’m going to get isn’t it?”

“Yep”

He sighed, “Fair enough.” He laid another kiss on top of Merlin’s head, “No more hiding Merlin, please.”

Merlin looked back up at him, “No more hiding.” He kissed Arthur once more, reveling in the warmth and love the man poured into it. 

When they parted once more Arthur continued to touch Merlin where he could reach, tracing the scars that littered his body. “You need to tell me the stories behind all of these,” he thumbed one that made its way across Merlin’s collar. “It’s a lot of stories,” Merlin said.

“Well luckily I have practice listening to you talk,” Arthur mused, “Let’s start with these,” He touched a group of parallel scars on Merlin’s hand.

“Of course you had to pick those first,” Merlin groaned into Arthur’s chest.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You just had to pick the most embarrassing one first,” Merlin whined.

Arthur snorted, “Oh really? What happened?”

“Mrmph,” Merlin buried his face further into Arthur’s chest.

“C’mon Merlin you have to tell me,” he poked at his sides.

Merlin hooked his chin over Arthur’s shoulder looking at the tent wall behind him,“I may or may not have gotten that one trying to save a cat.”

Arthur started to laugh, “Of course you did,” he snorted.

“Hey it was in trouble, how could I not!” Merlin pouted.

Arthur kissed him once more, “Of course love.”

They spent the early morning like that, Arthur pointing at different scars, Merlin telling him the story. Some he forgot so he just made one up to make Arthur laugh, so not all the scars had a sad story. Arthur kissed every one after each story. They continued until they heard the knights wake up and untangled themselves from each other, not letting go of their hands. Leon was the one to enter with their breakfasts, “Morning you two, everything alright?” He said cautiously.

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other and smiled, “Yeah we’re good.”

Leon let out a breath, “Great, well here’s breakfast,” he eyed their intertwined hands, “and it seems we owe Percy some money,” he sighed walking back out to the knights. 

Merlin and Arthur just looked at each other and started laughing, “We’re idiots aren’t we?” Merlin said.

“Seems like it,” Arthur said leaning in to place one more kiss on Merlin’s cheek, “Come on now let’s eat, I would like to get home soon.”

Outside the tent the knights were exchanging coins. “Alright mates, now how long do you think it’ll take for them to get married?”

**Author's Note:**

> Might write a sequel to this? Let me know what you think
> 
> EDIT: I wrote a second part!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [mirage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488123) by [trashcan_in_space](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashcan_in_space/pseuds/trashcan_in_space)




End file.
